A university student's first internship marks the end of a couple things:

1. Anxiety
2. Imposter syndrome (lack of experience)
3. Feeling demoralized because some random dude on LinkedIn got a FAANG internship
4. A completely empty LinkedIn page (for most people)

SPOILER ALERT! That's a LIE. At least, that's a lie for my specific internship -- for this little startup, that gets about $400,000 in state funding and frankly shouldn't really exist. Because, only two weeks in, I got a couple of things I didn't really want, including (and not limited to):

1. Anxiety
2. Imposter syndrome (why am i even here, i don't think i'm qualified)
3. Feeling demoralized because some random dude on LinkedIn got a FAANG internship on their first try without any previous experience
4. Complete and utter rage

That's not to say I'm a stellar intern or student; hell, I've only been in university for two years and recently turned the ripe age of twenty, but there has to be some level of baseline competency here.

Looking back on this, I think I was a fool to fall for a job posting that made complete sense. It looked too good to be true, even. And now, just copying + pasting this beautiful, lovingly well-crafted job description into a humble AI generation checker reveals a horrifying monstrosity:

Yes. That is a 100%, ChatGPT-generated job description. Even worse, it's coherent. And the worst part is that I. fell. for. it. I've considered myself as one of the Few Good Ones, one of the last hopes of humanity that could knowingly decipher AI jargon from the messy vocabulary of some fellow homo sapien. And YET, I am an utter buffoon. It's actually a miracle I happened to pass that interview, by the way. I sent an email with a template I managed to half cook on my own with the desperation of someone who is on their hands and knees groveling for an internship of any kind, of any sort, hoping that I could acquire that sweet, sweet 'intern @ XXX' title on my LinkedIn profile before the summer heat melted me down into the asphalt, never to be seen again.

Anyway, I got the internship.

Red flags

I could go on for ages about the red flags that this internship threw at me, but I'm going to condense them all for clarity's sake (and if I ever have to write a report later, I know what I'm saying). At the time, I was unfortunately dodging each one like a bad map in Valorant, riding the high of success and wearing rose-tinted glasses for way too long before I realized what was wrong.

1. For one, it was a sign, that they were willing to interview me nearly two weeks later as I was out of the country at the time. They were probably pretty desperate.
2. They sent me an offer letter only three days after the interview was over, showing that there probably wasn't that much competition (spoiler: there was literally no one else).
3. Didn't have any onboarding process at all, even after two emails from me and another intern
4. The main form of communication was WhatsApp. I only have that app on my phone to dodge shitty relatives.
5. Reply time via email was around a week and a half, unless it was really urgent.
6. There's only three people in this startup. Three teen protagonists in some classic dystopian novel would have more plot than this.
7. Did we forget the part where my job description was AI-GENERATED, with ZERO INFORMATION about what I was going to do during those ten weeks? We'll get back to that one.
8. Hiring me was probably the biggest red flag, but as one person said on a social media ever, "it only takes one mistake to hire you".

Onboarding + my first week

Our 'onboarding process' was sitting through a shamelessly messy Canva presentation with ChatGPT text slathered all over it for the next two days, with no care to even hide the formatting. That should have been enough to raise an eyebrow, but I was sitting in blissful ignorance on that Google Meet call, thinking about the riches I'd be receiving for the next ten weeks: a glorious $20/hr, part-time work schedule.

Oh, right. This internship was hybrid, as written on my offer letter, but magically switched to remote two days before the internship offer. I didn't mind the switch-up (because remote is pretty good to be honest), but I should have paid attention to how short-notice they were sending emails and updates, and how poor they were at communicating any new changes with us.

Anyway, I got my first assignment: making an explainer video and logo design for this startup with the rest of my team, due at the end of the week. Pretty easy, right?

no. absolutely not. why would you even think that.

To say we were dropped into a project with zero preparation is not giving it enough credit. And before you say: "Erm, actually cupcupcupcupdeath, startups are Supposed to do that. They have a different culture from the classic workplace setting, silly!", how about you get tossed around in a washing machine so your brain gets super smooth and shiny, with a reflective surface that mirrors how dumb you sound for allowing a level of exploitation and miscommunication for interns who, newsflash, don't know what the company is EVEN ABOUT.

Yeah, that's right. That onboarding presentation? TWENTY-EIGHT BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED CANVA SLIDES OF UTTER BULLSHIT. EVERY SINGLE DELIVERABLE WAS CHATGPT GENERATED, GIVING A DEFINITION OF WHAT THE DELIVERABLE WAS, BUT NOT ANY ACTUAL SUSTAINABLE INFORMATION.

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

We were ambling around like idiots that week, desperately scrambling together to make a video and some logo on a company that neither our project manager or boss could give sufficient explanation on what we were actually working towards. We made a script, we made a video. We asked for feedback at the beginning of every standup meeting at the start of the day, only to be waved off with a 'yeah, we'll look at it later and let you know'. I'm sorry to say this to my project manager, but you weren't managing ANYTHING. You gave zero communication to your boss, the CEO, about what we were doing, resulting in me having to PING HER in a WHATSAPP GROUP CHAT because she was just as lost as we were.

So, the CEO didn't like the script, or the video. Cool. Her solution?

Make a script in ChatGPT, copy and paste it word for word, and tell us that that's what she was looking for.

Disrespectfully, why the fuck would you want to hire interns, if your little ChatGPT buddy can do it for you? Save your $400,000 in startup funding and go elsewhere -- even embezzle it and just move to Switzerland or something. Literally why would you make us suffer like this, preying on our poorly-hidden bewildered expressions like a magician going 'peek-a-boo' to an infant and considering it a magic trick.

Final thoughts

I think I will continue rage-posting about this internship, not because the internet should know about it, but because I hope that my bosses happen across this website, say "oh, but we weren't like that" and then realize that yes. yes you indeed were like that. I want you to realize that saying you're going to follow the Agile methodology and then ghosting us for days before coming back expecting a fully furnished product is incredibly dumb. Following Agile asks for nearly 2-3x the communication than 'normal' project management, because you're asking for rapid iteration and prototyping. I wish upon a star that every meal you receive is a bland potato salad. I pray every single bubbly drink you get is filled with frothy rage and always leaves a line across your lips like a tattooed mustache you could never remove, and at this point I've considered myself an atheist, but I think any Almighty Being who was brought to Their attention the fact of your existence would look at you with the same awkward shame and guilt a pet owner feels at the vet when their neutered furry friend is in heat.

Anyway, payday is in a week. yippee.